Thursday, May 24, 2007
Nope I'm not dead, though I seriously wished that I was. Summer research is excruciatingly tiring. I don't know what possessed me to sign up for it in the first place, probably my greed for more credit and now I'm paying the price. I could have had a good time slacking at home playing wow and.. Oh well, what is the point of mentioning that anyway now since no matter what I say, it will do absolutely nothing for my current situation?
Despite the neverending wait for my turn to do a reaction, my complete lack of common sense and various other reasons, I have to admit that it has been a rather enriching experience, like a rude wake up call. Believe me when I say that I have a hundred and one things to rant about and I really don't think I should bore you with details.
To tell the truth, that was not my main purpose in blogging, rather, there has been something on my mind that I said that I would settle after the exams. I've been taking a really long time deliberating over what would be the best way to talk about it without being excessively harsh, but so far, all my options have reached a dead end. I guess subtlety has never been my strong point. Those who know me well knows for a fact that silence is my best armor and I guess it would always stay that way, afterall, it would be better if I remained silent rather than say something that I might regret later.
Thus far, I believe some of you may be confused as to what the hell I'm trying to say, but just bear with me for a moment or two while I sort out my thoughts. This whole thing pens out like a bad E/N thread (Thanks SA!) and as all E/N threads go, there is a backstory to it. Now I don't know if you have noticed it, but somewhere on the left side of this blog, there is a part where I specifically said that I loathed (1) Liars and (2) Cheaters. I have been suppressing my feelings for a very long time, but everything just took a turn for the worst when a good friend lies to me blatantly. Trust is a fragile thing and after this incident, I would keep thinking about what other things have said good friend lied about.
But, you say, its just a lie, why are you so mad about it? Well, the thing about it is that, it involves another male heterosexual species who harbours romantic thoughts about said good friend. The trouble is, both were attached at that point of time. You can see where point 2 on that list down there to the left comes in now. The truth is, I'm not just angry with the lie, but rather, I'm also disappointed in the actions that some people have taken despite my warnings and her assurances. Obviously I'm not saying it out of jealousy because I have absolutely zero interest in said male homosapien (That and see point number 2. Cheating is just something that I cannot condone, regardless of how attractive or how lonely. There is no excuse. Break it off if you want to but don't bloody cheat.) and I'm not saying that two members of the opposite sex cannot be good friends. However, when you blur the line between friends and flirt so much that it becomes so obvious to others and myself, I just can't help but feel repulsed.
As I said earlier, my silence is my armor. I have been ignoring you thus far because I can't sort out how I feel and what to say. I do value our friendship, which is why I didn't bring up a direct confrontation. As a friend, I can't bear to watch something like this unfold. As an individual, I absolutely hate getting lied to, especially by someone who I have known for so long. What made it worse was the fact that you lied to me to go out with him. Regardless of your intentions, if you think about it simply from my childish point of view, you chose him over me, now please step into my shoes and imagine how I would feel.
I guess this is rather vague, but well, thats just the gist of it, food for thought. I've said a lot I feel, but it still isn't everything. I can close an eye and pretend some things never happened, but please don't expect me to walk around blinded. I'm sorry for such an emo post, but well, emo posts = long posts right? With lotsa juicy gossip? Sometimes, being human is such a pain in the royal behind. Its just too bad we're born alliance. I mean, would it be possible to at least reroll a draenei? (WoW joke. Ha-Ha-Ha.) I'm so sorry that it wasn't even remotely funny. Heck I didn't even laugh. In fact, I was contemplating deleting that from my entry but I thought that I'll just leave it there so as to waste 5 minutes of your time reading this utter crap. Oh god, why am I such a massive nerd?
;I CREATED A SHEEP!
1:39 AM